Okay, the movie Synecdoche is not an easy movie to watch, it is surreal, disturbing, the worst of Freudian-Jungian dream sequences, everyone is acting in a play in life where everyone is acting and directing their life which is a play ad infinitum yet exists all in one guys mind who is slowly dying. (someone shoot me, the invicibility of the prime of my youth was just punctured in the last hour) There is one speech that says it like it needs to be said:
Minister: Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you'll never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved. And the truth is I'm so angry and the truth is I'm so fucking sad, and the truth is I've been so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long have been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own, and their own is too overwhelming to allow them to listen to or care about mine. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.
I attack the idea every day on my Myspace Blog that all's NOT right with the world, and that if you are happy, its b/c you are asleep, or you have convince yourself, desperately, that you are happy. The folks who preach, they think they know everything, and they like to hear themselves, and people who expect them to know the answer like to hear what will make them comfortable. The other people who are quiet? Well, you don't hear them because they don't say anything, because once you have experienced failure and suffering, you know it as a reality, not a hypothetical postulate or possibility that you can google a solution to. When you really know, you don't talk, because talk like that is cheap. And true answers are never cheap.
You also know that no one will listen because there is no one in this world who can truly understand you, even if they wanted to.
Of course, the minister in his impassioned speech, he definitely shows the universal hurt that all of us have at 1 AM on that rare moment when we watch credits play across the screen after the movie, when you sit on the couch listening to the quiet house thinking about your life. We all have that, and if you think you don't then you need to pause a little more often and get to know yourself.
Sometimes, life just seems like walking down a long hotel hallway when everyone's asleep.
Maybe I feel a connection to this b/c I've made a lot of mistakes, and I would give an amen to a visceral prayer like that.
Welcome to the human condition.
The answer is we all need each other, but ultimately we are those proverbial islands and there ain't no bridge between us.
Sorry, I usually save the angst/philosophy for Myspace, but that movie shook me up, even though I watched it from my emotional peripheral vision. Damn.
(would someone tell me where that guy preaches? He's real enough for me.)
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